I was watching Long Island medium as I usually do. & I know this might get cryptic . But she was talking to a sister who had found her sister dead. They were mentioning, I can't remember exactly what was said. But Theresa was talking to them about how the sister who passed away said about her sister that found her, that nothing could ever explain the absolute devastation she felt in that moment when she found her. And that about sums it up. They went Into details about it. And I'm right back there. I can't stop thinking about it. I try so hard not to. But it's a constant memory. One I wish I could remove. And Theresa was exactly right, nothing or no one will ever understand that devastation in that moment. The feeling, there's no explaining that. There's no way too. And u can ask people to try and imagine how bad that would be, if that happened to them. If that was their dad. But most people can't. & that brings me to the other part of my blog I wanted to talk about.
Judgement, for things I have done since I lost my dad, how I've handled his estate, how I've handled things. No one, no one will ever understand what I have gone through since I lost my dad. I am an only child, my dad was never married. So everything, every decision, every action had to be done by me. My dad didnt have a will. Many people don't. I never thought he'd be going anywhere anytime soon. If I could have had it my way I would have died before him. I couldn't imagine a life without my dad in it. I don't know what this is, but it's not my life. My old life is gone. Replaced by a whole new way of living. So much of my life was built around my dad. I don't even know what way is up. Anyways, I am doing the best that I can here. I wish more people understood that. This is hard as hell living without him. With that said, if u have a problem with anything I am doing, keep it to yourself. It is none of your business. I don't need to hear it. Until you are faced with a similar situation. Which I hope no one else is. Don't talk to me about how I am wrong. You have no idea what I am going though!!
Krystal
