Second Thoughts

You know, last week when i decided to trade in the SS, get started with the classes for my new career i finally decided to go with after over a year of thinking about it. I thought i had it all figured out, now i am starting to wonder if it all was a bad decision. All of it. I thought i finally knew which way i wanted to take in my life, i was SO sure. Now I'm not so sure, i keep saying I'm going to do it. Then i don't. Without taking any chances there can be no rewards. I wish i was able to take chances easier. Otherwise i wouldn't still be here a year later just THINKING about going to this new career, i would be out there doing it. :/

& I don't even know why i have such trouble taking steps to do new things, fear of failure maybe? Since i already feel like my life is a total failure right now. I am 28 and unemployed, i have no children, i don't own anything. I have nothing. I have dreams, but i know that most of the time dreams don't come true.

I am bipolar so i do have many ups and downs, i think the last few weeks I've been having some very high highs, making rash decisions without really thinking them through, example trading in the SS for my new car. Now i am very very sad about it. I am down right now. About everything. I am unsure about everything as well. I am confused, i am just blah. I feel blah.

Also i bought a new laptop cause my old one needs a new hard drive, but i don't think i want to keep it, certain aspects of it are driving me nuts, it is an ultra book. Which i like, but i don't like the keys at all, also the power cord keeps coming out of the back. I think one of the other ones i was looking at would have been better cause it had a side power cord. I know that i might adjust to this one after a while. But i only have 30 days to decide, actually now i only have about 16 days ish something like that.

Anyways sorry for the babbling, just been kinda down. Very down. I want to cry about losing my SS. I know that is just ridiculous. But i really don't think i thought this through very well. I know i know its just a car, but that car meant alot to me. I guess i just need time to let her go. Also maybe taking the pictures i have of her in the frames in the living room might be better taken down for just a while cause i see the pics every time i look up. Also i need to take a trip in the new car to really test out the fuel economy because according to the calculations of the first tank of gas its only getting about 7mpg more than the SS and that is DEF not worth it. It is supposed to get 36mpg highway, the average is somewhere at 22. It has been mostly city driving so I'm trying to realize that. But we will see. I guess we will just see about everything.

Ta Ta for now.

Krystal