I've been thinking alot about Momow lately. Alot more than usual. I miss her more and more as time goes by. Lately I have been having so many memories of her just flood into my head. I dream about her all the time. I know that time heals all wounds, but this wound seems to be getting deeper and deeper the longer It gets. She was an incredible woman and the best Momow I could ever ask for. I still can't believe she's gone. It will be 6 years this September. Sometimes I will just be able to place myself into her house, standing in her kitchen. Remembering every little detail of her house. I see us sitting on the couch visiting and talking like we always did. Or at the kitchen table. I hear her voice, I hear the things she says to me. It's like it was yesterday. Then I realize I will never have that again. It's like I am just now realizing what happened. And that she's really never coming back. I don't think I ever dealt with her death before, I always avoided it. Because the realization is just too hard to bear. I wish I would have spent more time with her towards the end. I try to pinpoint the last time I saw her. I usually saw her every week a couple times a week. But things are getting foggy. I called her every day to make sure she was ok, no matter what. I didn't miss a call for years. But I wonder if the night she went into the hospital and never came back out. I can't remember if I talked to her that night. I know I was sick. That much I remember, but did I call to check on her? This has always bothered me. I miss her like crazy. & I really really need her right now. Her guidance, her advice, her believing in me. She's the only one who did. She was my biggest supporter. I loved her more than anything, & now that I'm going thru some very hard stuff with the infertility, I need her now more than ever. But I know she can't be here. I just hope she's looking down on me and even if she can't be with me in the physical world. I hope she's with me spiritually. I sure wish she could send me a sign. I love u Momow. & I am missing u more than words can say. <\3
Love, Krystal
I think the reason why she is in your thoughts a lot more lately and why your have memories flooding through you so much more right now is because your dealing with a lot of stuff, and she is there with you. That's what memories are, really. Its that person letting you know that they are with you in your heart. It sounds like you were a beautiful grandchild to her, Krystal. My grandson is 3, and I hope someday he will remember our relationship as fondly as you remember yours. <3
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