Horrible

I don't even know where to begin, or if I can even write it out. This past week has been something out of a horror movie. My dad passed away last week. I am in an insane state of shock. I can't believe what happened. I can't understand it. I have never been this heart broken. I was the one who found him. I will go into details later. He was only 59. I am only 28, I should not be burying my father this young. He was the best man I know. He did everything for everyone. I just can't understand it. Funeral was Monday and I've just been laying around the house in complete disbelief that he is gone. I am blaming myself. I have so much guilt inside right now. I don't know how I am supposed to live without my dad. Everytime I think that he is gone my heart starts to race, I get pain in my chest and can't breathe. I just can't understand it. Why do bad things happen to good people? WHY?? I am so fucking angry I am angry at the world. I am devastated, angry, about every emotion that exists. He never hurt a fly. He had such a kind soul and such a young soul. He did not act like he was in his 50's he acted like he was in his 20's. he had these stories he would tell that just made u laugh. He was the best father I could have ever asked for. I was extremely lucky. But I was supposed to have him longer. I just can't understand why. I can't even put my feelings into words for anyone. I can't talk about it. I can write about it but I can't verbalize it. It just doesn't seem real. It just can't be. It just can't. I can't imagine the rest of my life without him. He was such a huge part of my life. I was always daddy's girl. & I don't know what to do now. I don't know, I just don't know. I don't know anything anymore. Why? Why? Why? That's all I can even say for now. Nothing matters anymore nothing. & I mean NOTHING. All the hopes and dreams I had, they are gone. They all mean NOTHING without my dad here with me to see them. I am broken.

Not even editing this.