How?

How are you supposed to go on without the ones you love? How? I'm trying so hard to be strong. But I am failing miserably when I am alone. I am being pushed and pulled in every direction possible and I feel like nobody understand that I just need some time. I know I have alot to do with my dads house and cars, and everything else. But I need people to quit pushing me! I feel like I am going to lose my mind already. I haven't even come to terms that he is gone yet. How am I supposed to do everything else. I just want to scream and cry at everyone. I can't keep being pushed in every direction. I can't handle this.

I'm trying my hardest to figure out how the hell I am supposed to live and go on without my dad. I don't even know how that is possible. I have so much guilt, shock, regret, pain. Unimaginable pain. I am having panic attacks everytime I think of him. I get angry, I want to scream. How can someone take someone that was so good to so many people and leave so many assholes left on this planet? It's not fair it's not right and it's just plain wrong. This wasnt supposed to happen! And I know everyone says there's a reason for everything but someone please tell me what the reason for this is? There is none! He was too good of a person, he had so many years left.

Just thinking and realizing as I type that he's not coming back and seeing him in the floor, makes my heart race, my chest starts hurting and I can't breathe. This all does not seem real. How can It be? I can't sleep. All I see is him how I found him. I can't handle it. I can't handle this pain anymore. I know people are trying to help but what I need is some time. Nothing will ever be the same again without my dad. Nothing. He was the circle of everything. He was everything. So many questions I didn't ask him. So many things I didn't say. So many things I didn't do. I don't know how I'm supposed to go on. & I know people say time heals all wounds and you learn to go on. & I know that's true It happened when my Momow passed away. But right now where I'm at right now. I can't see anything past right now. I can't see anything without my dad in my life & I don't want to. He was the best dad in the world. I can't go on without him. I just cant.